Tim and LaDonna

For most of my life I have lived a lie. This lie was based on the fact that I professed to be a Christian, but was far from being a new creature. Although I could recite scripture, tell you stories from the Bible, as well as repeat a great deal of facts based on the Bible, none of it mattered. My soul was dark and my heart was stone. If I had been put before the Lord during this time, He would have told me to depart from Him, as He never knew me! This is a frightening thought, as most people would have considered me a model Christian.

Jesus said that a good tree can not produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. In the same manner, a true Christian can not continue in an unrepentant life of sin, nor can an unrepentant sinner be a Christian. By examining myself, as 2 Corinthians 13:5 says, I found that I was not in the Faith. I was a bad tree, as it were.

Although I had confessed Jesus as my Lord when I was 12 years old and was baptized at that time, and although I was what most would consider a “good” boy, I was unrepentant and unchanged. I did not hunger and thirst after righteousness. I did not hate what God hates. If I did anything “good”, most of the time it was to be noticed. I still was entertained by filth – entertained by the same items that Jesus went to Hell to redeem me from! Music, TV, movies, internet… media of all kinds. My words were not those that build up. I did not keep my eyes from evil. I selfishly did what I wanted to do, putting on a “good” persona.

I knew how use excuses for my sin. “I’m not perfect”. “His Grace covers a multitude of sins”. These and many others could be used when I wanted them. Although true in the words, they could not protect me from His wrath! I was not covered by His Grace, as I didn’t belong to Him!

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolators, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
I am guilty of most of the sins in the above list. I’ve broken God’s Law time and time again. I’ve stolen, lied, cheated, committed adultery (Jesus said even lust is adultery), even murdered (by hatred, as He also said hatred is murder). So, I stood guilty before a Holy God, with no excuse. On top of that, I even claimed to be His own, which is blasphemy; taking His Name in vain. Most of these sins were committed after my professed conversion! While I claimed to be a Christian! I had no chance before a just God!

However, a way was made for me 2000 years ago. At that time, God became a man; a perfect, sinless man that lived here on Earth. He was tempted with the same temptations that I have been, yet He never fell. He never once told a lie, never cheated, never lusted, never even said anything off-color. He was perfect.
On the other hand I am less than perfect.

I am not capable of even comprehending the great sacrifice and the exchange He made for me, being the miserable bit of trash that I am. Only by His Spirit’s teaching can I even slightly grasp His Love. By that same Spirit, I do know that it is only by this sacrifice that I can be forgiven of my multitudes of sins. Only by Jesus’ taking my deserved punishment in my stead can I live. He is the only one that never sinned. The only perfect person. I just can’t fathom the full extent of that. I can only fall on His grace, leaving behind my sins and not excusing them.

I know the gravity of my sins. I fear the wrath that would come upon me without His sacrifice. Unthinkable, unimaginable wrath from God; the judgement for my sin from a just and holy God. However, He took that wrath for me, as well as for all of us. This same exchange took place for all of us, if we accept it.

Sadly, I had believed the lie that all I had to do was just say I was a Christian to be one. This is what the modern “gospel” message says. There’s no sacrifice, no change, no repentance. Just words and for some, a dunk in the water.

Salvation is not a free gift, but it is a gift freely given. That means that it’s available to all, but it does come at a cost. I’m not talking about earning it through actions or merit. It’s not possible. What it costs is our whole being; absolute surrender to Him. Jesus said that it costs everything to be His disciple.

So now, I ask you to examine yourself. Have you made a profession of faith in Him, even going so far as to be baptized, claiming to be a Christian, yet not seeing any evidence of change in your life? Are you not only tempted, but find yourself repeatedly falling, time and time again to sin? Do you make excuses for your sin? Do you try to cover up the sin by doing something “good”, hoping to feel better for it and maybe even convince God to overlook it? Do you find that you are attracted to worldly things, arguing that “there’s nothing wrong with it?” Think about it and be honest. Do you really think you’re fooling God?

He knows your innermost thoughts. He knows your true character. He knows the things that you would never want anyone to know about you. That is a frightening image to me, knowing myself and my secret thoughts.

What is it you think will happen in the end? Will He tell you that you’ve been a good and faithful servant, or will He tell you to depart from Him, as He never knew you? Will you find yourself trying to convince Him of the good things you’ve done, or be amazed at His grace? Will you find yourself wishing that you’d not walked on His grace by purposefully sinning, saying that it’s your “Christian Liberty” to be able to sin?

Take the time to go through the 10 Commandments and look at yourself. Are you a liar? Are you a thief? Are you guilty of adultery, even through lust? Are you guilty of murder, even through hatred? If you are honest, you will say “yes” that you are guilty of all of them, just as I am.

Repent means to turn away from your sins. It’s not a one time event. It is a way of life. If your sins don’t disgust you, you’re not repentant. Repent. Truly repent. Don’t simply say “Lord forgive me” and walk away. Don’t try to force something “bigger”, either. If you truly are penitent, there will be no need for a forced display.

One last item. You may be well advanced in years. You may think that there’s no way possible that you could go back now. Maybe you’ve lived a lie for more than than the 30 years I did. Even so, would you rather hold on to that pride, or humble yourself? God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

“Moreover, he requires the giving up of all known sin, the hating of all sin, and the objector says, “But may I not retain my one darling sin? May I not keep my pet evil? I will give up all else, but that one I must have.” And when men are told that, wherever Christ comes, he makes a radical change, he casts out Satan and all his imps, drives them out by main force, and takes complete possession of the soul,—they bar the door of their heart against the Saviour, for they do not want such strong measures as his in their case.Well, sirs, as you say that Christ’s requirements are not according to your mind, what would you like them to be? Do you wish to be allowed to continue taking what you call your little drop, which is powerful enough to make you reel across the street? Then there is somebody over yonder who would like to keep his adulteries, and another who would like to keep his petty thefts, and another who would like to keep on with his swearing, and another who would like to retain his covetousness, so that he could still grind the poor to powder, and make money by crushing them, What sin is there, in the whole world, that would be put to death if men were left to pick and choose the Agag which each one wished to save? No; Christ came to save his people from their sins,—not in them; and it is essential to salvation that sin should be repented of, and, being repented of, should be renounced, and that, by the help of God, we should lead a new life, under a new Master, serving from a new motive, because the grace of God has renewed our spirit.”

I feel it a duty to bear my solemn testimony against the spirit of the day we live in, to warn men against its infection. It is not Atheism I fear so much, in the present times, as Pantheism. It is not the system which says nothing is true, so much as the system which says everything is true. It is not the system which says there is no Savior, so much as the system which says there are many saviors, and many ways to peace! It is the system which is so liberal, that it dares not say anything is false. It is the system which is so charitable, that it will allow everything to be true. It is the system which seems ready to honor others as well as our Lord Jesus Christ, to class them all together, and to think well of all. It is the system which is so careful about the feelings of others, that we are never to say they are wrong. It is the system which is so liberal that it calls a man a bigot, if he dares to say, “I know my views are right.” This is the system, this is the tone of feeling which I fear in this day, and this is the system which I desire emphatically to testify against and denounce. From the liberality which says everybody is right, from the charity which forbids us to say anybody is wrong, from the peace which is bought at the expense of truth – may the good Lord deliver us!

- J.C. Ryle

1816 – 1900

“How vain, then, are the boasts and professions of some persons who assert themselves to be the children of God and yet live in sin! There is no perceivable difference in their conduct—they are just what they used to be before their pretended conversion. They are not changed in their actions, even in the least degree, and yet they do most positively affirm that they are the called and living children of God! Let such know that their professions are lies, that falsehood is the only groundwork that they have for their hopes, for wherever the Grace of God is, it makes a difference!”

–Charles Spurgeon

A while back, we spent some time with friends that we don’t get to see very often. During our time together, we covered a wide variety of topics of discussion, including some of the horrible history of things that have been done in the name of “Christianity”, including the forced conversions during the Inquisition and how that equates to the terrorism of Islam. I was shocked to hear the statement, “Well how is that different than what we’re doing now?”, referring to telling people about their ultimate fate of eternity in hell if they remain lost.

Is this really what we have done to the Gospel?

You see, according to this individual, Jesus is all about love n’ grace and acceptance. No consequences, no separation from God. Sadly, he is not the only one who is affected by this heresy. Somehow we have watered down the Gospel message and have turned Jesus into an all-accepting, non-condemning machine. We take the story of the lady caught in adultery and twist it into an example of how not to judge. In reality, it is an example of mercy triumphing over judgement. Did she deserve to die? By the letter of the law, yes. The point is that Jesus asked each one there to examine themselves. His point was that they were all guilty. He taught them something they didn’t expect.

Have we really forgotten the fact that He calls us as we are, but never intended to leave us that way? Have we forgotten that He died and went to hell for the very acts of sin onto which so many want to hold? This is how we have created “gay churches” and such like. We’ve allowed people to believe that “since God made me this way, I’m going to be free and live this way”, fully promoting a life of perversion and sin. No repentance, no freedom from the sin. Instead, the argument is made that His grace gives us “Christian Liberty”, effectively, freedom to sin.

I’m not just referring to homosexuality. I’m talking about any and all unrepented sin in our lives. Repentance isn’t a one-time event, either. It’s a way of life.

So, what’s the answer? Is fear of hell enough to bring someone to salvation? I have to say no. I think it can be summed up by examining whether the conversion act is only “fear-filled”, or truly “tear-filled”. Ever heard the saying “Are you sorry for what you’ve done, or just that you got caught?”

No, I’m not wasting time on anything fun. I’m working. I’m working at a dead-end job that is keeping me away from spending the precious time God has given me to do the work he has called me to do. He has called me to feed the hungry, both physically and spiritually. Instead, I sit here and help expand greed. How can I consider myself guiltless? I can’t. I am guilty of the masses dying in their sins without knowing His love and grace…without knowing repentance. I am guilty of the modern message of churchianity, long ago having left the true message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We’ve reduced it to being a good person, “going to church” and occasionally having our “quiet time”. We convince ourselves of our own salvation and call it Christianity, after having uttered a prayer or gotten baptized. We tell our children they’re saved because they followed their ABC’s (Accept, Believe, Confess) at VBS. We live like the world and don’t understand why our relationship with the Lord stays stuck in nothingness. We watch filth on TV and in the movies, we listen to filth on the radio and on our ipods, we surf the internet looking at filth, or at least worthless junk. What do we expect?  His blessing? Jesus told those that wanted to follow Him to leave everything behind. He didn’t promise an easy life. He promised that people would hate us. He told us to expect to be persecuted, even betrayed by those we trust. When that happens, we sit around and talk about how our “rights” have been violated. RUBBISH! What are we doing? We are wasting the time that He’s given us! Meanwhile, millions upon millions are dying and going to hell for eternity! Do we really believe that? Do we really understand that? Do we care? If we do, why are we wasting time?

Last year I was pretty outspoken about Christmas and how we celebrate it. I haven’t posted anything on the subject so far this year as I’ve had my eyes opened on the subject. Am I backing off? Not in the least! If anything, I’ve become more “controversial” on the subject.

Christmas is similar to Halloween in that most of the customs have pagan roots. It was “Christianized” in order to give excuse to the revelry and eventual greed attached to it. Now we have arguments over whether or not to even say “Merry Christmas”, as that could be deemed offensive. I ask you though, what’s more offensive? Pretending to celebrate the birth of Jesus while still heaping in the pagan attachments and greed, or letting it go and having the world have it’s day of revelry without pretending?

This Sunday, the world will be “celebrating” a day devoted to evil roots. To be perfectly blunt, there is no way any professing Christian could join in on this “celebration” and be a true Christian. The two can’t mix.

If you are a professing Christian, I ask you to fall on your knees and ask God to take the blinders off of your eyes. Ask him to forgive you of your ignorance, selfishness and lack of surrender to Him. Ask Him also to forgive you for leading your children astray. Don’t use the excuse of “it’s all just fun”. If that is all that it is, why not just sacrifice the “fun” this year and really look at it. Tell me how demons, devils, dead bodies, vampires, ghosts, etc. can have any place in the presence of the Spirit of the Living God. If you see no issue with these items, I ask you to consider that you do not have the Spirit of the Living God dwelling in you.

With less than 10 steps behind me, I knew I was not going to make it. The old iron steps beneath me ever so slightly bounced with each step I made, dredging up the fear I hate so much from deep down inside of me. “I’m not going to be able to do this!” I shouted to LaDonna. Frank, the guide threw back “chickening out already?” So now there I was, fear gripping me, a stranger poking fun at me and my family witnessing the whole thing.

I forced myself to go step after horrible step to the top of the outside platform. The wonderful, salty breeze blew across my shirt, already drenched with sweat more so from my fear than the heat, giving me slight relief, but not alieving my terror.

The prayers I had offered before starting the climb had been forgotten. Not forgotten by God, but by me. I didn’t want to rememeber them. I didn’t want to be where I was. This place had been a very special site to LaDonna and I ever since we found it together over 12 years ago. Back then I wouldn’t have imagined that I’d actually be climbing this special tower, built so long ago, with such a rich history. Now I wish I had an excuse to not be here.

I heard Frank on his walkie talkie telling his mother, Beverly, the caretaker of the lighthouse area, that one had “dropped off”. She thought he was being literal, as in dropped off the tower, fell off. Once he corrected himself, saying one refused to climb, she told him never to say that again! “Chickening out” meant just that. Not “dropping off”.

Frank, LaDonna, Amber, Analynn and Allen had already entered the internal staircase and started the long ascent when the call was made to Beverly. I had reached the beautiful iron doors to the same by then and shouted up that I was there. I was still coming.

Step after step after step, watching the numbers painted on the wall to indicate the progress of the climb, I pressed on. Fear gripped me more and more tightly the farther I went. Why was the father of three children down here, terrified, when they were up there, excitedly anticipating the upcoming view? Why was I ignoring each prompt to pray? Arrogantly holding on to my fear, instead of trusting, faithfully?

I heard Frank open the upper doors and LaDonna tell the kids to wait until she got there. My heart pounded inside of me. My legs tightened, as did my hand on the railing. Soon, the delightful breeze blew in from the window on the side of the tower. I took a look outside and couldn’t believe the height. I couldn’t believe that my family had already been past here. More than anything, I couldn’t believe that I was going to have to let go of the railing long enough to reach across that open expanse to the next section. On I went.

The next two windows were no easier. The number of stairs painted on the side got higher. How many steps did they say?

Finally, I reached the upper steps, barely wide enough for a child’s foot to have a place to stand, let alone a terrified adult male. I practically climbed these on my hands and feet. Then, the open door was in front of me.

Everyone but me was out on the platform. I held on to whatever I could, not daring to stand. Finally, after what seemed like “long enough” I lowered myself down the upper steps a bit, as if that was safer.

The indescribably wonderful breeze off of the Gulf blew up the tower stairwell and out the door. If I hadn’t been so scared, it would have been wonderful. In that time, I became more stalwart in my refusal to pray. My fear was more important than that. God could just wait until I was out of this place and back on the ground.

Eventually, when “long enough” turned into “too long”, I shouted for the family to come on. It was time to go. Now my arrogant fear had crossed over and selfishly spoiled my family’s excitement. As they came in, I slowly started down the tower, yelling back at the kids to stay away from the windows with their gaping maws that dropped down to the ground far below. My desire became less of making sure my family was safely dexcending and more of just getting down to the ground. Then it was over. Or was it?

Shame. Self-disgust. Regret. It just wouldn’t stop. I made excuses to myself, as well as to the family. Still, I knew that I was a coward. After returning to the house to play on the beach with the family, the disgust continued to grow. I couldn’t stand itany more. I had to go back.

A few minutes later, Frank was unlocking the door for me at the base of the tower. I had told Beverly and him both that I had to conquer this fear. I don’t know if they understood or not. I doubt they would have ever understood the lesson in faith I was learning. I didn’t even understand it. I had been trying to figure out excuses the whole way back out here as to why I didn’t need to do this. Yeah, it was on the surface a silly thing, but how could I trust the Lord with all faith and surrender when I couldn’t even trust him to give me the faith to climb this old tower?

I told Frank that all I planned to do was go out the doors, walk around once and come back down. He told me to do whatever I needed to do. He then stepped out of my way and let me climb on my own.

“The Lord has not given me a spirit of Fear”, I kept repeating as I climbed. The numbers on the wall still clicked off the ascent as before. The open windows were still there, as before. My fear was still there, as before. All that had changed was that this time I was talking with my Father, trusting him with everything. Finally, I reached the open door again, this time standing on my feet.

A deep breath and I was out the door. Around the platform, one hand on the rail, one on the outer wall of the tower, I went around. The view was absolutely beautiful. The breeze, that wonderful breeze…

I reached the door, but didn’t want to go back down. I gazed out the door for a little bit, taking it all in. Then, to my surprise, I started around again. The opposite direction this time. With no hand on the rail. Just me walking, enjoying the boldness that God had granted me in my faith in Him. Still scared, but bold.

Sadly, I started back down the steps. Sad because I had to go back down, but overjoyed in my Lord.

My legs still hurt from the gripping fear that tensed my muscles up there on the tower. Every step I take now has pain attached to it. In one sense, I don’t want the pain to go away. It’s a reminder of the failure my first trip up the tower, as well as thewonderful joy found in my second trip. The Lighthouse at Cape San Blas has become an even more special place to me. More so than I ever imagined.

There is no scriptural model or basis for ‘membership’ in an individual congregation, nor is there any basis for denominating individual congregations by name or by set of beliefs for a larger ‘denomination’ as a whole.

The modern idea of the Church has long ago strayed from the examples given to us in scripture and has become more of a club, full of tradition. Decisions are made based upon membership roll numbers and the budget, made necessary in order to keep the physical plant in operation. An individual member’s status in the community outweighs his reflection of the Character of Christ. What has become known as worship has less to do with crying out to God for repentance and praising Him for the same than it does an appearance of a showy performance, making sure everything looks and sounds just right. Preaching is given as the main part of our ‘service’, which may or may not be doctrinally sound, followed by an opportunity to get a flushot for salvation afterward. No true repentance, no understanding of true salvation, and certainly no testing of ourselves against scripture to make sure there is evidence of salvation. I don’t even have to mention the lack of discipline, individual or corporately.

I say that the above is the modern idea of the Church, but it is most certainly not the Church.

I realize that these are rather harsh sounding statements. I do not write them because I have been harmed by anyone. I am simply following the urge that I feel God has placed inside of me for calling out His true bride, as well as leading my family in the calling that He has placed on us.